YOU SHALL NOT PASS

2.3
For reasons of my own entertainment, I decided to read The Fellowship of the Ring again. For those of you who don't know, that's the first book in The Lord of the Rings cycle.

I read it once when I was 10, and believe it or not, I plowed through the whole gosh-darn book.

Unfortunately, back then, I forgot almost every last thing about it.

The Lord of the Rings is about a Hobbit named Frodo Baggins who comes into possession of a malevolent Ring with the power to render its wearer invisible. It was forged by the evil lord Sauron, who lost all his power when he lost his ring. The series is about the passage of Frodo and his companions as they make their way into the dark land of Mordor to destroy the Ring. On their way, they are beleaguered by agents of Mordor: orcs, devilish Uruk-Hai, and the dreaded Nine Ring-Wraiths.

"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."

~inscription on the interior of the One Ring, as translated from the ancient Black Speech


The above inscription details the One Ring's ability to control the multitude of other Rings of Power, being "the One Ring to rule them all." The One Ring, however, is as evil as its master, and longs for his finger above anyone else. It corrupts its owners--including the grotesque Gollum and the lovable Bilbo Baggins--and manipulates them in dark ways to return it to the hand of Sauron. Donning the ring and using its ability only hastens the process.

What makes me mention this, you ask? What is my connexion to this cruel and devilish device?

Well, I actually happen to have one in my back pocket right now.

Yeah! Seriously!

I don't know why, but on the way to school last week, I saw something glimmer in a magpie's nest. I picked it up and lo and behold, it was the One Ring!

One could assume that if the One Ring exists, then so does Sauron, the Lord of the Shadows. Consequently, if I'm in possession of the Ring, it shouldn't be long before he deploys a ridiculous Nazgul air-strike to take back his super-duper Ring.

In conclusion, I've been using the Ring to cheat on tests. Sauron can have it if he wants, I think I'm developing, like, seven mental disorders.

I mean, this is what the last guy who used the Ring a lot looked like.

Yeah.

~Peter